Saturday, October 31, 2009

Saturday is the best day ever!

I slept in til 11:30!
It is now after noon and I am still in my pjs!
I have all day to mull about, cros-stitch, and pick a costume for the dance tonight!

Now a question to the blogosphere:

What shall I be?

  1. A lion. Frizz my hair, wear all brown, paint on whiskers and a nose, make a tail out of yarn
  2. A Pirate. Wear torn up clothes, big ol' boots, and an awesome hat
  3. Little Red Riding Hood.  Initially I wanted to wear my red corset with a shirt under it, but I am not going to dance in a corset, so I'll just wear my vampire cape (its red on the other side). and a houndstooth skirt with a white top.
  4. Vampire...Again. I have the cape.
I doubt anyone will vote in time for tonight.  I'll let you all know what I decide...

Thursday, October 29, 2009


Ok, so KOST 103.5 has this competition going on for a private (100 people or so) concert with Michael Buble at Morongo Casino.  All you have to do is call in when you hear a Michael Buble song and be caller 20.  NOT SO EASY! I've been listening all day, and they've played a song maybe 5 times.  I'm realizing that a radio station is going 24 hours a day and I'm getting tired of all these sappy love songs...especially now that it is "Love songs on the KOST" time. I want these tickets man! I've checked the guy's touring schedule, he will be in Europe in May/June but of course nowhere near where I am going to be at the correct time.  Will he ever come back to the U.S.? If I knew that the answer was yes I might be able to turn off this horrible radio station and get on with my life! ugh!

Milestone #1: Yay! A letter!

My very first one from Jordan! It was an exciting thing for sure.  It was 3 whole pages, front and back sides! I guess my worrying was all just paranoia like the rational side of me thought.  I've never been so happy about a piece of mail =) I will refrain from gushing any further suffice it to say that it is now two days later and I am still smiling about it, but this is my blog and I am supposed to update it with important things in my life. So I'm updating you all, because it is an exciting moment in my life which is almost like being important =P

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

And Now for Something Completely Different...

I love musicians, especially those of the male- singer/songwriter species.  Ive noticed a very distinct pattern in my taste in men, and my fictional love affairs have proven my pattern.  This  post is dedicated to my very favorites.  We shall call them my "lovers" for lack of a better term:

Currently topping my list is Michael Buble:

However, his cuteness can only be properly shown through video:

Haven't Met You Yet
I LOVE that "I'm trying not to smile while I'm singing" thing that he does.

Next, we have  Brandon Flowers:
Yes, he is married with a child, but he is a semi-active member of the church and his marriage was not in the temple so I may still have a shot at some later point...

Next is the ultimate of all crushes: Sir Paul McCartney

Yes, he is now old, and has severe damge, and he is a *gasp* vegetarian...But come ON! He is a musical genius, an icon in rock and roll history, and a KNIGHT in shining armor.  So yes, I'd still hit that =)

Next we have Jason Mraz:

I only have like 1.5 of his albums, I mostly like him because he is cute and does silly things.

I'm sure I'll think of more =)

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

No One Reads This Thing Anyway Right?

I cried today. HARD. The kind of crying that makes you scream and yell out indistinguishable sounds that started off as well thought sentences in your mind...though you don't know who you are talking to...  I got back from Kinko's after spending 145 dollars on making friggin copies that I wasn't even supposed to have to make, but my group pinned on me last minute because they are irresponsible..and I just sat in my car and sobbed...It felt good to just not fight it for once, its cleansing. I don't think I ever really let myself cry about Jordan so that came out too, along with my Daddy issues and my body image issues. I still had to go in the house and deal with my crap-tastic life once again, and do my homework in a dazed exhausted state, but I did it.  I am now going to bed too late and it will probably make tomorrow suck too.  Oh well.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

New Phenomenon: I hate Saturdays

When I have nothing to do all day I am forced to create my own means of entertainment.  I started my Cross-Stitching project.  It is HUGE and I am hoping to finish it before Christmas since it is a Christmas Stocking.  I worked out, I read, I wrote Jordan a letter, I Facebook-ed, and now I am blogging because in going through my Facebook photos I was forced to reminisce and that is not smart in the current situation.

Unfortunately I have nothing new to say so I pretty much suck at this blogging thing.  I think blogging is only for those with exciting jobs/lives.

I watched "Say Yes to the Dress" for like 3 hours today, that is my excitement.  I do love wedding gowns though...

Isnt this one GORGEOUS?

 It goes with this cake:

And this Husband =)


And these Bridesmaids:

P.S. Don't Judge me, ALL girls do this, I'm just bored enough to share. ugh, i miss Jordan...

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Global Hand-Washing Day

 Read a BBC article that made me laugh. People's priorities about their health are so effed up: Click Me! 

I realize I am biased but humor me...

Look how horrible it is to sleep in and relax for 2 seconds

2 midterms today, skipped my dentist office volunteering in the early morning hours so that I could study...Instead I slept in 2 hours, and I really needed it since I am surrounded by swine flu and my immune system is no help, but it gave me a minute to relax, 2 whole hours to not be rushing and only thinking about what is happening right this very second...and so of course I start thinking about Jordan.

I sent him a Beef Jerky package on and picking the package and entering the address left me too much mulling time.  I am now completely useless mentally and emotionally for the rest of the day and I have to take 2 midterms...the first one being in 2 hours.  I am totally screwed and the small rational part of my brain is freaking out about it, but the rest of me has lost the will to care.  Great, now what do I do? Oh and AFTER the midterms I get to go to the doctor's office, which is so NOT a happy place. My chest feels tight and achy and I just want to get back in bed. UGH.

Time to force myself to get dressed and eat something I suppose...

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

A turn in the tide...

Ok, so this week-not as good as last week...and last week wasn't even that good...  It seems as if all the good times are over and from here on out nothing but crap coming my way.  Got the news Monday that AT&T will be cutting out 60% of their workers in my mom's office.  If it were 50% she would have been safe, but since it is 60% she is now on the chopping block.  Needless to say, this is a VERY BAD THING for my familiy.  My mother is the sole support monetarily and insurance wise.  Without a job we will be  bankrupt fairly quickly, my part-time job can barely support me, let alone a family full of health issues. We have until early November to figure something out.

Speaking of health issues,  Deidra was diagnosed with Swine Flu on Tuesday.  Oh I'm sorry-H1N1 A (The pork companies did not like "Swine Flu").  So I've been spending the last few days staying AWAY.  Then today, my grandma got sick and has been puking for quite some time..which is always nice.  So basically I am surrounded by disease, and only by the grace of God (and I mean this literally) have I not become bedridden.  My immune system is crap and always has been so I consider my health a miracle at this point.

On that happy note, I am surprisingly NOT freaking out.  I'm slightly bitter and cynical as always, but I am not freaking out... I'd like to hope that is because The Spirit is whispering to me that everything will be ok, but the cynic in me will not allow it and just say I am in denial.  Come on self: think positively!

Saturday, October 10, 2009

From the Lips of Angels...

Some people say that when a song makes you feel like its written about you,  it is good writing.  I disagree.  Recently every song is written about me, and the songs haven't changed at all. Ben Harper's here Comes the Sun nearly brings me to tears and Breathe by Taylor Swift nearly made me swerve into a freeway divider.  I think the beauty in music isn't its ability to speak to everyone, it is its ability to put those feelings (those horrible achy, empty feelings that most people don't understand) into words.  The listener makes the music, not the other way around.  You can have the most beautifully written song with the most descriptive lyrics and perfectly balanced harmonies, but if you are describing an experience that no one else can have, its just noise.  I realize I am in an emotionally ridiculous time right now, and this makes me especially biased and sensitive to all things mushy and disgusting, but doesn't that mean that I especially need that comfort in my life? I say when a song makes you feel like it is written about you, you are feeling something that you should pay attention to.  Anyway, enough with the drama, moving on.
I bought grown up stationary today.  Now to figure out how to write a letter...

My job still sucks, and I still hate it.  I'm considering getting a silly retail job for my nights and weekends so that I can be saving more.

First full day without Jordan, still expecting my texts to be from him, then I remember...

Can't sleep. Maybe I'll have pharmaceutical help tonight.

and with that, I'm off to try again...good night Blog-land.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Missionary Widow

      That's what Malia Thompson called me not too long ago and i think I'll embrace it.  I'm still living my life but this is a weird feeling to have.  He was the only guy who ever loved me back the right way, and I'll miss him.  I already miss him, and I've only been without texting abilities for about an hour and a half.  And these are the roses he sent me before he was phone-less.  The rest of my whining I'll leave for my personal journal but I thought everyone might be interested in knowing that my emotional wall is being chipped away.  I actually cried in public today when he called to say good bye.  I couldn't help it.  Funny thing though, I had that burst of tears and hopelessness...and then nothing, I felt better, I felt calmer.  Perhaps all those months of prayers that I will be strong and comforted were all saved up for when I really needed it.  It's no longer a looming threat any more, it is here, it has happened.  I know what to expect, and I'm completely out of control of anything beyond my letter writing.
       On that note- anyone know proper missionary writing etiquette?  I've only ever written my cousin.  I am not technically waiting for Jordan, and he "broke up" with me 10 minutes before he was set apart to make sure I knew I didn't have to, but its not like I'm emotionally available, its not like a regular break up where I can concentrate on the horrible thing that happened to be mad and get over it, the last things we said to each other were "I love you"...Nothing bad happened, I'm still completely in love with him and have nothing to hate or want to get over...As a matter of fact I adamently do NOT want to get over it.  It's very strange.
        I've gotten away from the point of this blog.  The point of this blog is to let everyone know I am OK.  I have received many a concerned phone call and/or email and though I appreciate them, I don't like to think that people are worrying about me.  Yes, I'm sad.  Yes, I cry a lot.  But look how cute he is? how can you blame me? Anyway, I promised I'd try my hardest not to be sad and that is what I intend to do.  I have jam packed my schedule and given myself plenty of goals to work toward.  Unfortunately I have this weird cycle of sad crying, then feeling better, then being angry, then crying again... It seems to have broken now but if I seem angry, I apologize, you caught me in the wrong part of my cycle.  729 more days =)

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Plans Plans and More Plans

Seems it is all I have been doing recently. I have so many things I want to get done while I'm still young and unattached enough to do them.  Of course number one on the list is a trip to Europe.  While I'd like to take a full tour of the continent and spend 3 months soaking up all I can, in reality I do not have the time or money to do that so I've been forced to make some cut backs.  Of course all of this is totally dependent on who is going.  I have definite "yes" from me and one other friend, and since that is only 2 people we're limited since the cost will only be split in two.  I plan to buy tickets by the end of the year so whoever wants to come along is welcome as long as they pay =)


Day 1: Tower of London, Big Ben, Buckingham Palace, St. James Park

Day 2: London Bridge, Train to Wales, Cardiff Castle and St. Fagan's Natural History Museum

Day 3: Whatever looks interesting

Day 4: Portobello Road- Notting Hill, Abbey Road, Hyde Park

Day 5: River Thames (Globe Theater, London Eye...), Natural History Museum, Jack the Ripper Tour at night

Day 6: Whatever looks interesting

Day 7: Travel to Paris


Day 1: Eiffel Tour, Champs D'Elysses, L'arc de Triomphe

Day 2: Place de la Concorde, Le Louvre

Day 3: Whatever looks interesting/ 2nd day at the Louvre

Day 4: Montmartre (Sacre Coeur, Moulin Rouge...)

Day 5: Notre Dame, Latin Quarter (Pantheon), Luxembourg Palace

Day 6: Versaille (day time), Whatever looks interesting

Day 7: Travel day- Either back to London to fly home or on to the next location if more people commit


What do you think? Am I missing anything?

Malaise and Disinterest

        In the interest of saving those who know me the trouble and annoyance of reading about my problems in a more public forum (read: Myspace/Facebook/Twitter), I have created this blog.  Hereafter no one will be subject to reading my ramblings accidentally and can not accuse me of stealing moments from their life, however unintentional it may be.  That being said I am going to bypass whining about the one thing I really want to whine about in an attempt to fool myself into believing that it isn't happening in my life right now. Oh sweet denial.  It goes without saying, or typing, that I am in a funk; a funk that will not be getting better any time soon.  I have filled my schedule, listed unattainable goals through pages of my personal journal, tried both staying in and crying and going out in hopes to distract but nothing seems to work.  Luckily for all of you out there I have reached the point where my emotional distress is that of the title of this post.  The point where I use big words and type as though I am a professional while listening to Mozart and steadfastly pledge that if all I want to feel is icky-ness then I shall simply not feel at all until my emotional self has stopped being such a menace, as if I am teaching a petulant child a life lesson.  So welcome to the documentation of my therapy, I promise I am way more fun in person than I am in type.