And now for a selfish moment

I miss having someone tell me I'm beautiful

That is all

Time: The Ultimate Cursed Treasure

Time is a funny thing.  We are either waiting on it to pass, trying desperately to hang on to what has come and gone, or trying to slow down the inevitable. I am simultaneously doing all of these things for different aspects of my life, and I do not think that mine is a singular experience.  While I am grateful for the time I have been given, as I have a lot to accomplish, I would rather hit the fast forward button sometimes.  However, other times I would rather go back and the rewind button would be the most attractive. I want more time, but I would like to be able to pick and choose where that time would go.  

I look at pictures from last Christmas and New Year's time and I can't believe it has been a year already, it all seems like it just happened, and that it happened forever ago.Sometimes I can't believe this last year has even really happened.  It is all so surreal: finishing up classes, wisdom teeth, cancer, and kidney stones.  Travels, goals, and learning discipline.  Crushing, dating, falling in love, staying in love, saying good bye to love so that other people can have the chance to feel the amazing powers of the gospel...and SO many tears...how could all that have happened already? Now here we are, at a screeching halt. Waiting.  Waiting for interviews, for exercise to take its effect, for paperwork, for doctors appointments, for every precious letter, for dreams to come true, for good days to come, and for the hard days to pass.  My Patriarchal Blessing says specifically that I must be patient, so I'll be patient.

You're move.

My Latest Addiction

If anyone is not familiar with HowStuffWorks.com you should make yourself familiar with it.  That website is the most entertaining thing on the whole internets and it isn't even a time-sucker because you are LEARNING INTERESTING STUFF!  I realize that statement makes me a ridiculously annoying nerd, but it is true.

The best part is the "Stuff You Missed In History Class" Podcast HERE.  I am in the throws of an all out addiction.  I downloaded like 80 of them and have been listening to them off and on non stop for the past week.  They recommend books on the subjects you are interested and tell you, as you would expect, the stuff your history class never told you.  Genius. Give me more please.  I have learned tons in a very little amount of time.  I wish I had this podcast when I took my AP history exam.

HUGELY GIGANTIMOUS NEWS!

In Biggest News:
Christmas came, it was wonderful.  ESPECIALLY THE PART WHERE I GOT ENOUGH MONEY TO BUY MY PLANE TICKET TO EUROPE!!!!  Yup, thats right everyone, I am on my way!  Last week I almost completely emptied my bank account and bought myself plane tickets.  On May 25th at 7:50 at night I fly out to London switch planes, and head to Glasgow!  I will meet Marisa there and we will have an exceptional 2 weeks gallivanting through the UK and eventually hit Paris.  It will be astounding, superb, and all those other words that mean "effing awesome".  Now I just need to save up the money to pay for lodgings and food and other necessities like transport and souvenirs.  I'm actually not that worried about it because now the heat is on, I have to save up the money.

In other important, but not as fun/exciting news: 
Still waiting on word from...well ANYONE about getting an internship, I sent in a bunch of applications right before Christmas but I still haven't gotten any feedback.  I am absolutely terrified that I won't be able to find a place to take me, I wanted to already be started by now!  So please, everyone, pray for my internship and by extension my entire academic future....PLEASE!


In Jordan news:

      look how cute!

This is at the MTC, with a family friend that happened to be there at the same time. 

These are at a member's house out in the field:

I'm not gonna lie, my insides still ache most of the time, and especially when I think about how much longer there is, but I sent him one of our old digital cameras for Christmas so hopefully we will be getting more pictures.  They somehow make me feel better.  I like to think of it this way: only one more holiday season without him.

Life Crisis Cut

So on Christmas Eve I chopped off all of my hair

Look at all that! I think it was about 6-7 inches

This is the end result:

I really like it.  It takes me 10 minutes flat to go from "wet just out of the shower" to "all done!"  I told Jordan in my last letter and he is now extremely worried that I have made myself look ridiculous.  Like most boys  he subscribes to the belief that short hair on girls looks weird or androgynously creepy.  I think I'll have to send him some pictures to prove that is in entirely possible to have short hair and still look like a totally attractive female.

Do you ever have one of those days...

Where you just hate yourself? 

Well, today isn't one of those days.  However, I do feel it creeping up on me and I don't like it.  I know it is a bad sign when I just want to lay in the dark and listen to Michael Buble and Taylor Swift.  Between my mother's almost-abduction (see her Facebook for details),  finals week, losing my wallet for most of the day, not getting a letter from Jordan for a month and a half, and being on day 8(!) of my period...I've just had enough.  Unfortunately I now have to drag myself back out to Fullerton to take another final and after that all I have to look forward to tonight is going to bed.  It's also EFFING cold!

Back to studying

I love this Movie

"Despite my conviction there was the occasional set back... 'I want my erotic nose brain removed. My emegulata. The organ that processes erotic senses deep within my nasal cavity that then connects to memory... Well let me see if I can explain this. I had a boyfriend that smelled really really good. Like soap, fresh laundry and vanilla and whenever I smell any of those things Im reminded of my boyfriend and how happy we were and he dumped me for no good reason and I get really sad and angry and before I know it I am in the throws of an all out emotional breakdown and I was just thinking that if I could short circuit my nose somehow, I might actually have a chance of living a semi-normal life someday." 

~ Jane Goodale, Someone Like You