Sunday, November 8, 2009

Maybe I'm not so awesome

Someone please explain to me the mysteries of the human mind.  I was on top of the world about 2 days ago.  All it took was a few bad photos and a few biting words, and here I am. Crushed. I was happy and excited, now I am sad and doubtful.  Things that made me happy before now seem trivial and easily faked, and what credit and happiness can I take in things that could so easily be false?  Sunday is usually such a good day for me, I've looked forward to being uplifted all week, and today...something was missing.  I know it is probably my fault somehow because the Lord is always there, we just need to allow ourselves access to him.  I'm somehow blocking myself from the very happiness I wanted so bad.  Probably from not believing I deserve it. But how do you tell yourself you deserve love and happiness when you really don't believe it?  How do you point to things as "proof" that you are a good person or a beautiful person or a loved person when the proof is so easily tainted with time and backhanded compliments?


Shauna Malia said...

I'm SO behind on reading your blog! It doesn't update on my bloglist!! Grrr!!

Anyway, in answer to your questions I shall provide you with some sage words of Latin wisdom: "Illegitimis non carborundum."--"Don't let the bastards get you down!!!"

People are stupid; we know this. There are only a select few who we choose to surround ourselves with all the time. Just surround yourself with people who help you to feel loved and appreciated and in the wise words of my mother "tell the rest of the world to eff off!"